Discipline

When I was growing up, I can not remember a time when I wasn't terrified of my father. All I remember is getting in trouble over trivial things, but getting a really hefty spanking, nonetheless. I was always terrified of being alone with him, because anything and everything would set him off with his hand. Sadly, it was a relief to me when my parents decided to divorce and even a huge weight off of my shoulders when he passed away this past year. I would have nightmares of him coming and finding me just to yell and scream at me, belittle me, and beat me. Those nightmares are now gone.

My mom really didn't do much disciplining, but her weapon of choice was a ping pong paddle. I remember her spanking my brother until his bottom bled, and with further discussion with Damon, that wasn't the only time that happened.

Eric had a similar childhood that included spankings with belts, which has scarred him for life. Little by little I learn more and more about his childhood, but it is bottled up inside. Slowly it will all come out.

Why is it that people associate discipline with hitting your children?
I am trying extremely hard not to do what was deeply engrained into me as a child. Don't get me wrong, I do still spank, but not a full out beating. I will swat 1-2 times. That is sufficient. Not a repeated lashing for 3 minutes and yelling and screaming, telling you how dumb you are.

There are 4 steps involved in discipline.
1 – To correct immediate behavior. 2 – To teach a lesson. 3 – To give tools that build self-discipline and emotional control. 4 – To build the parent/child relationship.

I am trying my best to find what works for us. I do not want to turn into my parents.